Bleeding Out September 18, 2011

Wow, so I just entered another amazing contest hosted by agent Janet Reid. If you hurry, you can get your entry in (contest ends tomorrow). I’ve entered just about all her 100-word contests (I’ve received a few mentions, too – yay) – and each time, I learn something new, hone my craft a bit more, get another kick in my pants to keep at this…

But this one…it almost hurt to enter. It sure as hell hurt to write the poem (and not only because I’ve never written a poem, least not since childhood). This one hit close. It came from a place I prefer to keep contained. A place that is still sutured and bandaged, lest I bleed out. As I hit send on that email, I had to tell myself, “what the hell have you got to lose, Catherine?” Still, there’s something about opening yourself like that. Again, I’m not really talking about entering the contest, but writing something that is so much a part of you, that when you send it out…something of you goes, too. Maybe it will be a bit of the pain…that wouldn’t be a bad thing.

My point – they say write what you know. Yes, and write what you feel. Write what you are most afraid of, what you most try to blank out of your mind. That event or thing or fear that gives you the cold sweats, the shivers and that gut-wrenching, twisting pain that only comes when you are at your most ill.

Now, I have to go count my blessings. Three of them are sitting on the sofa, watching a movie, and waiting for me.

Cat

Working with Lisa Again! August 22, 2011

Thrilled….simply thrilled. I start working again with mega-editor, Lisa Rector-Maass, next month. I’ve taken all her input to heart, majorly revised (sure, it’s a word) my manuscript and am ready to take one more walk-through of Set ‘Em Up, Joe.

I’m so ashamed of the first manuscript I sent out…egads, how bad it was….so bad I should probably send a bottle of single malt to the agents who read it. At least the ones who offered to re-read once it was revised.  Course, I didn’t realize how much work my manuscript needed until getting comments back from agents. And after working with Lisa the first go-round.

Without a doubt, the journey thus far has been amazing. I’ve learned a great deal about the craft of writing, yes….but also on how to be a writer. How to allow yourself to be vulnerable. To ‘go there’ in your writing. The first time around I didn’t want anything (too) bad to happen to my characters. Especially not Joe. After working with Lisa, I realized that conflict—in it’s many forms—is what drives a story. My characters must grow, and to do that – they also have to hurt.

This is gonna happen, folks. It has to.

Cat

 

Plugging Away… June 13, 2011

I’ve been remiss. I’ve let my writing take second chair. Well, second chair (or first, for that matter) isn’t taken – it’s given. So the burden of responsibility rests solely on my shoulders. Oh, I’ve been writing – mainly for local magazines and blogs – but I consider that something other than “working on my novels”.

I could point to a couple of external factors – problems due to the concussion I received two years ago (just started therapy for that, finally) or my recent involvement in my son’s PTSA  (funny how when you’re cell deep in your novel, you almost forget you have a real, live family). And the editor I worked with is on hiatus until the fall. I love that word, hiatus. Sounds like something requiring surgery. I had my hiatus removed, so the doc said I can’t lift anything over twenty pounds.

So, I’ve been plugging away at my manuscript (the wonderous third draft you hear so much about), trying to apply what I learned working with said (amazing) editor to the other 300 pages. I will state this: my first fifty are solid! Um, I think.

Here are my goals for the summer – finish my revision. attend the Pacific Northwest Writers Conference , prepare for the  International Surrey Writers Conference (both manuscript and confidence-wise), lose ten pounds (nothing to do with writing, but still a worthwhile goal. On second thought, make that an even twenty).

And how, pray tell, do you plan to spend your summer? I’ll ask another way – what writing goals have you set? Please share!

Cat

Guest Post on Inky Fresh Press…The Money Side of Things November 8, 2010

This month Inky Fresh Press is blogging about the money side of this whole ‘writing thing’. To read my take on the topic, please check out my guest post. I was truly honored to be asked to provide a guest post – and writing for another blog proved a worthwhile learning experience.

I hope you enjoy my thoughts on the subject!

Cat

What’s In It For You? October 14, 2010

Oh my, I’ve been busy. This says something about my personality – this past month I’ve taken on a few projects. I’m working on a couple of guest posts for Inky Fresh Press, finishing up an article for NW Kids, and oh yeah – running my son’s book fair at his school. Through all this, I’ve not spent time on my own blog. For that, I apologize!

But…this is all good stuff I’m doing. In another post I’ll comment on writing articles and even something on the book fair, but for now – here’s my thoughts on writing for another blog.

Writing a guest post is a new experience. I do write the blog for a local magazine, but as I’m the only blogger I have rather free rein on what and how I write. When you submit a post as a guest, you need to think about the overall content of that blog, what they’re looking for, their intended audience. It’s a challenge, but in a very good way. It’s made me question the purpose of my own blog. I started it to sort of keep track of my progress as ‘someone wanting to get a book out there’. Over time I’ve realized my blog is more about being a writer in general. Meaning, not having that singular goal in mind, but embracing writing as a life. And that includes more than writing - it includes how I see and handle things.

Example – I’m more observant of ‘life scenes’. I’ve always felt drawn to observing human interaction (my M.A. is in Sociology), but I never really paid much attention to setting. That became painfully obvious when I started writing my first novel. I couldn’t describe places at all. My son said I should go with ’a person standing on some street by a random house’, which I admit sounds kind of funny – but not very descriptive. I started pushing myself to notice my surroundings more and more, and to take in not just the players in a scene, but the entire setting. It’s helped, though this is still an area that proves challenging.

Another example – writing lowers my stress in ways I would not have imagined. When someone does something that really ticks me off, I create a character out of that person.  And then I do something really bad (or embarrassing) to that character in a story.  Hehehe. Only strangers, though – well, maybe a couple of people I sort of know (like kinda strangers). It’s quite cathartic.

This is a bit of a rambling post, which sort of goes with the point I’m trying to make (yes, I have one). Why do I write this blog? Is it for myself, or for other writers? I initially wanted to help other writers – and I want to make sure I’m reaching that goal. So how can I make this blog more about you? 

What would you like to see more of/less of?  I want to do a contest – and I’ve got that almost figured out. After my son’s book fair (next week), I’ll have the time to blog about it. Until then – please, let me know what kind of information you might find useful as a fellow writer. I’m at a point where I feel a lack of purpose in this blog – or a clear purpose, at least.  Can you help me out?

Write What You Must… August 30, 2010

August was…rough.  This month has always been a difficult one for me, well – for the past fourteen years.  My brother was in a fatal car accident on August 27th, fourteen years ago.  Three months after I married my husband.  My brother gave me away at my wedding, a memory I will forever cherish.  Another memory – of my brother’s face as we said good-bye to each other minutes before he was to get in his car.  It was one last weekend together, playing computer games, eating Chinese food (we loved to eat Chinese food), making fun of our parents – spending time together before I was to leave for my first year as a graduate student at the University of Michigan. 

I’ve never written about this before, so maybe this is a sign of something.  That the years can dull the pain, at least enough that you can write about it, can share it with others. 

Years ago I talked with a psychic.  She told me I would write a book about my brother one day.  This was way before I decided to write fiction, so my reaction was…one of surprise.  I never thought I would be able to write a novel, and certainly not one that laid bare my pain, my loss. 

If you’re over the shock of reading I spoke with a psychic, then here’s the important part:  She was right.  I wrote a novel, and it was about my brother.  I didn’t realize it at the time, of course.  It took working with Lisa (editor), and some serious introspection to understand that the novel I wrote was about loss.  About how to live when you don’t necessarily or always want to, how to move past the guilt and pain and anger to a place where you can remember the good times without crying yourself to sleep.  Oh, tears still flow – but not as uncontrollably. 

Two weeks ago one of my uncles – George Patino – died of a heart attack.  My brother’s middle name was George, named after our uncle.  My brother considered being an architect, like my uncle.  My oldest son’s first name is Stephen, named after my brother, Steven.  See how things come round like that?  How the memories and the connections and the love never really goes away?  That’s in my novel, too.  Those connections that carry us through, that maintain our will to live when times are dark, and show us that life can still be good, even great and beautiful. 

When you read advice on writing, you often get the message that you should write what you know and not be afraid to put yourself out there, not hold back.  When I started working with Lisa, she said there would be places I would go that would be…uncomfortable.  I think this is part of what she meant.  I didn’t sign up for this when I started my urban fantasy, that much I know.  I had no intention of putting myself out there like that, of exposing my wounds.  Nor did I make the connection between my choice of characters - someone who will, theoretically, never die – and the sense of loss I continued to carry.  Still carry.  But perhaps it was too be expected.  If you hold something in so long, it will find a way out.  So I will continue to put myself out there – in my writing, and maybe one day ‘in real life’.  Though sharing this face-to-face with someone too often, or with too many people, is not something for which I’m ready.

Put yourself out there, bare all.  It may hurt, you may cry, but it will help not only your writing and your ability to connect to readers, it will help your soul.

Tears still flow…

Working with Lisa Rector, We’re Only Getting Started… June 28, 2010

I had my first phone session with Lisa Rector last week.  Wow.  Um, she’s amazing.   The session lasted two hours and was part therapy (see below), part brainstorming session and part line by line commentary.  And slightly overwhelming, but in a ‘there’s a ton of work ahead of me, but with her guidance I can do it’ kind of way.  

To prep for the call, I sent her my first two chapters and ideas/general thoughts and questions (on those two chapters and the larger story).  We barely made it to the end of the first chapter. 

Let me begin by saying that she is incredibly friendly and approachable.  I was a bit nervous given how – well, how good she is…but within seconds, she’d put me at ease.  When I’d contacted her to see if she could still work with me on my manuscript, I’d mentioned my less than positive experience with the previous editor.  Before we started on Set ‘Em Up, Joe – she asked me if I could share what happened.  I did (she’s a great listener), and then we talked about our expectations going in…and then she got right into things!

She asked me some questions about the overall story, but mainly she focused on characterization.  We discussed Joe’s motivations, which proved rather enlightening.  I spent a fair amount of time getting to know Joe before and during the writing of his story, but she helped me dig deeper into his psyche.  If Joe ever agreed to go to therapy, I believe this is what it would be like!  She even apologized for asking so many questions, which wasn’t necessary.  I enjoyed discussing Joe and the novel, and her questions helped me think about things I hadn’t fully considered. 

We worked through part of the first chapter – not line by line exactly, more like by paragraph.  She pointed out the paragraphs that stood out for her, the ones that ‘were all Joe’.  She suggested ways to lighten some of the exposition and to heighten the tension.  All of this was helpful, but what I really got out of this first session was to ‘go there’.

Lisa encouraged me to stop pulling back.  She told me that I was on the cusp of making Joe a fully realized vampire unique from other vampires.  Now given how many vampires are out there (uh, in books) – that was an amazing compliment.  She said I just had to stop pulling back.  I understood what she meant.  I’m constantly struggling with how far to take things or rather, how vulnerable I should make Joe.  Which is directly tied to how vulnerable I allow myself to be as a writer (and as a person in general).  Yikes, who is on the couch now??

I know I have revision work ahead of me, but rather than feeling overwhelmed – I’m eager, excited and relieved.  Eager to make my novel ‘more’ (more of whatever it needs to be for readers).  Excited by the deeper plot lines and character motivations that will follow.  And relieved Lisa will be there to guide me and to let me know what I’m doing right and not quite right. 

For the first time since starting to work on Set ‘Em Up, Joe – I have this weird kind of confidence thing going on.  Like, maybe I might be able to write after all.  Not stellar or anything right now, but enough to feel good about what I’m doing.  That the efforts I’ve made thus far are not a waste, that I’m heading in the right direction and learning, learning, learning along the way.   

See, I always thought writers were born that way.  And that either you had it or you didn’t.  If you had it, you’d know rather early in life.  Maybe pen a few gems in your alphabet soup or in crayon on your bedroom walls.  At least by high school.  If you didn’t have it, well – hey, what else are you good at?  Cooking?  Sure, why not.  Everyone needs to eat.  Teaching?  That’s good, too.  Everyone needs to learn something.  Turns out, you can learn anything.  Like how to be a writer.  Yes, some writers are born with it.  Some show their talent early and often.  But some don’t – until they turn forty and realize there’s nothing stopping ‘em but their own doubt.  Doubt’s a heavy thing to wear for long.  It’ll keep you grounded, and then how will your dreams take flight?

Wow, how’s that for my first two-hour session with Lisa?  I wonder what the next call will bring? 

Oh, You Shouldn’t Have… June 21, 2010

 

Now this is fun.  Bryan over at the Time Guardian Blog was kind enough to give me a Versatile Blogger award.  I’m not fully sure why it’s called that…but hey, I’m happy my blog was so noted.   The way this works is I need to award the blog to fifteen other bloggers (see below), thank the person who gave me the award, and share with readers seven things about myself.  Ok.  I’m into introspection.  So here goes…

First, thank you so much to Bryan.  I’ve enjoyed visiting your blog and always appreciate the comments you leave here.

Seven Things About Me (other than that I live to write, eat chocolate and listen to Michael Buble of course).

1.  I ran my own (small) catering company back in college.  Catering by Catherine.  I took on gigs during breaks from college (holidays, summer), working from my parents’ home.  My then boyfriend, now hubby even tended bar at one of the parties I catered.  Guess we’ve always enjoyed working together.

2.  My husband and I owned a small bakery in Ann Arbor, Michigan before we moved to the Pacific NW.  Deda’s Bakery and Say Cheese Cheesecakes.  We hope to open our place out here, once the building in A2 is sold.

3.  I used to like Spam.  Past tense.  Hey, sometimes in life you make choices you’re not proud of.

4.  My super secret desire – like the kind that could never, ever come true – is to be an Olympic ice skater.  Um…I’ve never skated on ice in my life.  And yet, I dream about it all the time.

5.  When I was a kid, I would pretend I had my own cooking show (this was before the food network was big).  While cooking in our kitchen, I would talk to my ‘audience’ – explaining how to cook or bake whatever I was working on at the time.  I’d do that for just about every meal.  I had quite the following.    Years later, I had the opportunity to do cooking classes for several local places (back in Texas).  I did one at this fancy grocery store and if felt very much like having a show.  Cool.

6.  I’ve seen at least one of my guardian angels. Enough said.

7.  I saw Silence of the Lambs over twenty times (most of those in theater).

That was fun!

Now for fifteen other bloggers!

1.  Echoes of a Wayward Mind

2.  Anne Riley’s Blog

3.  Rachel Bateman

4. VR Barkowski (which would be the PERFECT name for a Private Investigator)

5. The Scribe Sisters

6. Writer Unboxed - there are actually several bloggers who contribute to this site.  I love their content…and the name of the blog.  Writer Unboxed.  Perfect.

7. Expatriate Games – Bethany is one funny gal.

8. OneFineMess – I like Andy’s attitude.  And he’s really putting himself out there…that takes courage.

9. I’d Type a Little Faster

10. Cassandra Jade in the Realm - I like blogs that have someone’s name in the title. 

Ok – I should list 15…but I got 10.  So clearly, I need to find some more blogs to read!

Now – I visit the blogs above and let them know of their award.

Thanks again, Bryan!

P.S. – Do  you see how the award matches the colors on my blog?  Now, I love that.  I mean, I cannot express how much that appeals to my inner ARness.

Hesitation… June 14, 2010

So, I got a ‘pass’ from the agent who requested my full manuscript.  I must admit, I wasn’t too surprised.  I was bummed – it was my birthday after all (the day I received the email), but I wasn’t surprised.  Here’s why…

Earlier this year I worked with an editor on my first novel, Set ‘Em Up, Joe.  I’ve blogged about the experience, but the short of it – it was not the best experience for me.  I did receive some good feedback, but I don’t think the match was ideal (editor-writer).  And that’s an important part of the equation – finding someone who gets your writing, who understands your vision.  As a result of the experience, my confidence suffered a bit.  Enough to keep me from writing for about three weeks.  After working with the editor, I felt unsure of myself (and of my story, my characters, and everything else). 

And that uncertainty manifested itself when I did start writing again.   Not good.  I allowed my insecurity to hold me back, to hold my characters back.  And it showed in my writing.  As I revised, I wrote from a place of safety.  I tested the waters, pushing my characters only as far as I felt comfortable doing so.  At the time I didn’t realize I was doing this, but looking back it’s clear I gave my characters easy ways out.  Which didn’t make for high-stakes tension in my novel.  The agent who passed told me she loved the voice, but the plot was not engaging enough.  Fair enough.

About a week before I received that pass, I realized that my manuscript was not all it could be.  I don’t know how I came to that realization, it just hit me one day.  So when I got that email, as I stated – no big surprise. 

I believe in my characters and my novel.  I sincerely feel the potential is there…my novel just didn’t live up to that potential.  But I believe it can. Which is why shortly after receiving that pass, I contacted another editor.  This editor was someone I’d contacted before – and she’d offered to take on my manuscript, but I’d gone with someone close by so I could meet in person.  I was thrilled when this new editor gave me a second opportunity to get her input.  We exchanged a couple of emails, and then scheduled our first phone consult (in two weeks). 

How do I know this editor is the right one?  Here’s one reason – after reading my first five pages she mentioned something that resonated with me so completely, I just knew I was in for an amazing learning experience.  She stated that, as a reader, she hesitated because she sensed my hesitation as a writer.  Let me write that again…

As a reader she hesitated because she sensed my hesitation as a writer.

Wow.  Bingo.  Exactly. 

You cannot write from a safe place.  You cannot hold back.  You cannot hesitate.

You have to push your characters to places that are so beyond comfortable, that you almost (or do) squirm in your seat while writing the scenes.  If you’re like me and you prefer endings not totally devoid of happiness, fine – give your characters what you want them to have…in the end.  But rake them through the goals before they get there.  Push them to their breaking points, give them horrible choices and make them do things that they don’t want to do.  It’s the only way to create inner and outer tension – which is the only way to keep readers engaged.  If everything is hunky-dory (or worse, so-so), what’s the point of reading the story? 

In real life, most of us avoid conflict.  We don’t like tense situations.  Tension leads to stress, which leads to sleepless nights, body aches and overtime at the gym because we look to chocolate for moments of peace.  Or maybe that’s just me.  Whatever, what we try to avoid in real life we often seek in fiction.  And that includes tension.  You cannot achieve this state unless you push your characters and push yourself as a writer.

Don’t hesitate. 

More on my experiences with this editor as the work begins, but for now let me say that I’m eager, ready and willing to not hesitate.  Oh, and I’ve already thought of ways to push Joe to some very, very difficult places.  He won’t be happy.  But happy is not the emotion I’m trying to invoke in my readers.

Some Thoughts on Writing Your Next Novel… June 1, 2010

I started my first novel – Set ‘Em Up, Joe – last year.  When you begin to write your first novel, many things happen to you.  You feel a bit overwhelmed, you go a little crazy.  Maybe you start talking to yourself – more, and in public.  You dream, you hope, you pray.  You laugh at yourself, but not too much because you think you might just be able to swing it. 

Then, on the second day, you think it might be better to not worry so much, not over think the situation – or you’ll never get past the first scene.  So, you write.  And at some point, you finish (really finish, like after the many critiques and revisions).

Then, you find yourself in the middle of the submission process.  Maybe you have some partials, or even a full, out.  You wait a week or two before getting seriously into your next project- you know, just to give yourself some breathing room and a little time before you go through the whole crazy, glorious journey again.  You may have some ideas swimming around up there, a few possibilities jotted down on your favorite notepad.  You’re not quite sure which one to give yourself to, so you mull things over.  You could study trends, see what might be the best idea to foster.  But then you quickly realize doing so won’t do you any good – by the time you write the novel, the trend will be over (or on hiatus).  Plus, you should write what speaks to you.  Write what you have to write, not what you think you should.

Then, you decide on a project.  Could be one jumps out at you fairly quickly, or you might have one of those moments where you realize idea number five on your list of eight ABSOLUTELY MUST BE WRITTEN NOW.  Maybe one of the characters whispers sweet somethings (because nothings would be…nothing) in your ear or visits you in a dream and threatens you -  “Write this now, or else I’ll Stop. Talking. To You.”  Egads, that wouldn’t do at all (I’ve always wanted to use egads, thanks).

If you’re like me, you write the opening scene knowing it’s going to change and quite possible go away completely.  Then you do some research, interview your characters, start working through questions you find in the How to Write the Breakout Novel Workbook by Donald Maass.  You know, get a better feel for the story and the people.  Then suddenly the real opening scene appears, hovering just within reach, and you make a mad dash to your computer or notepad, shut out the world, and START YOUR NEXT NOVEL.

And you realize something.

That thing you read or heard about authors – you know, the one about how you never, ever find an agent to rep your first novel because it’s rarely good enough – you realize its true. 

And the other thing you heard about – that you have to write two or three or four or more novels before you can hope to have any idea of what you’re doing – you start to think maybe that one’s true, too.

So you fret and maybe cry – just a little bit, just enough to work out some anxiety and fear.  But then you tell yourself something you never thought you would hear yourself saying (or think yourself thinking):

“It’s o.k. if my first novel doesn’t find a home.”

Because some day, it might – even if that is after your next one does (or the one after that or after that…)

Because, you have to write.  You Have to Write.  And each and every single novel you work on is worth it. 

If you have kids, you’ll get this – you love each child as much as the other.  Maybe you love different qualities about each child, because each child is different, unique.  But you love all your kiddos so darn much you can hardly breathe at times.  You want the best for each child – that includes doing the best you can as a parent.  Sure, you learn as you go and so maybe the way you parent your next child is slightly better (or way better, maybe) than your first.  Because you’ve learned some things – tricks of the trade, what works, what doesn’t.  Plus, remember – each child is different so you cannot parent all kids exactly the same.  What works for one may not (always) work for the other.  Which is good.  Parenting should never be easy.  It should be hard, it should force you to try better each and every day.  You won’t always – some days, you’ll be too tired or you’ll fall into old patterns of (bad) parenting.  But that won’t last long, not if you really want to be the best parent you can be and you really want the best for each child.

Now – substitute writer for parent and novel for child. 

That’s how you approach the next novel.  And the one after that and the one after that…

Cat

Submission Update – I’ve not heard back from the agents that have partials/full.  I did have the opportunity to meet one of the agents at a recent workshop.  She said she’d keep her eye out for the partial (I’d just mailed it out) and that she’s looking forward to reading it.  That made my day.  And she was so very nice!

Hard at work on my second novel – a supernatural thriller.